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Control Freak? Are you one? Do you know one? “PART ONE”


by Kelly Woodcox

Proverbs 14:29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly. (KJV)

Another Version:

Proverbs 14:29 People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness. (NLT)

How to know if you are a “CONTROL FREAK”

All of us have some of these attributes from time to time. This is a list to look at to find certain traits that belong to very controlling people. If you have 5 or less of them then you might have some things to work on, but don’t ignore them. If you have 10 or close to 10 of them, you might want to consider really concentrating on changing these habits because they can be very harmful to you, your loved ones and people you work with. If you have 10-20 you need to consider yourself someone with a lot of work to do on changing many habits that either have, or eventually will greatly affect your life or the lives of others in a destructive way. If you have 20-40 you have some MAJOR changes to make, you may have burnt a lot of bridges, lost good friends, and you are probably missing out on a lot of good things in life!

Part two will be about ways to change these behaviors. Hopefully just by recognizing any or all of these traits that will make you want to change them on your own. Being a Christian is about being transformed and renewing our minds to become more Christ-like. Many people do not even realize that they are like this.

If you are a Christian, you will probably see a lot of “used to be’s” but if you still have some or many of them just know there is hope as long as you are willing to be transformed.

Keep in mind that these traits are usually pretty consistent if you have a problem. A flare up now and then isn’t necessarily right, but it doesn’t make you an all time Control freak either.

You can start overcoming just by recognizing these things.

This is part one of two parts of “Control Freak” Here are Some Question to Ask Yourself:

1. You “often” have power struggles with other people and usually more than just one person.

2. You don’t like it when other people are making decisions, especially if they are different than how you’d have it.

3. You spend a lot of time planning the way things should go and tend to be upset if it doesn’t go the way you had planned.

4. You have been told you are a “control freak” – a lot.

5. You’ve been known to get mad, angry or have outbursts if you do not get your way.

6. You feel like you need to have a say so in everyones life around you, especially the ones closest to you. You pretty much want to plan their lives instead of letting them make decisions (given the fact that their decision is not sinful).

7. You occasionally will reluctantly make joint decisions with other people but you feel extremely frustrated and possibly even take it out on other people (spouse, family etc…) or secretly resent the people that you made the decision with – and CANNOT WAIT for the opportunity to say “I TOLD YOU SO”.

8. You get irritated or annoyed if people ask you to help them with something you feel is easy and they should already know. You might not say it but inside you want to say, “You are really taking up my time, and I wish you would have remembered how to do this, because you’ve done it before and my time is being wasted having to show you this again”

9. You constantly point out what is wrong with others and are always finding faults and don’t often hesitate “letting them know”.

10. If you don’t like something someone does you are so upset that you cannot wait to tell them even if it embarrasses them in front of other poeple. In other words you can’t take a few minutes and pull them to the side to confront the issue.

11. You’re work isn’t done until it’s perfect. This isn’t necessarily a bad trait at all, but if it’s to the point where you get aggitated or feel it is more important than people, then it is a problem.

12. People tell you that you intimidate them or make them feel anxious. Or you hear that you intimidate people quite often. This can be quite normal in certain circumstances, but it SHOULD NOT always be the case.

13. If you had the time you would rather just make all the decisions and have a hard time delegating. If you do delegate you are frequently criticizing the person or people you have delegated to.

14. You have trouble extending grace to people that have done wrong. Especially if it is more than once.

15. You are judgemental and condemning or you’ve heard it enough from others (other Christians) that you are that way.

16. You give up control sometimes, but before you know it, you are right back into the situation because you can see that things are not going the way you would do them. Without question you are right there to make changes according to your agenda and not giving other people a chance to work with their ideas.

17. You are known for being overbearing, dominating, or strong willed in almost all situations where you don’t have control.

18. You have trouble setting limits for yourself and tend to intrude on people untactfully and without kindness.

19. You try to make people feel guilty if they don’t follow your order. Or when you do something wrong you somehow turn the blame on others and try to make them feel guilty.

20. You question people and cause people to question themselves in their decision making, even if they say they feel God led.

21. You either bluntly or secretly look over peoples shoulder to see what they are doing and if they are doing it the way you think it should be done and it bothers you if they are doing it differently.

22. You know deep down that you manipulate people to follow your plans, or if you want something from them.

23. You don’t like some people and you get upset when others like them, you think that just because you have very good reasons to not like someone that other people should not like them either – you will go as far as to tell others they should stay away from them.

24. You see people as working for you and not working with you as a team member.

25. You take credit for other peoples work or at least take more credit than you deserve if you were a part of it.

26. You thrive on recognition and you will go to some length to get it, even if it’s lying or stepping on toes.

27. You interuppt their other people’s work before you give it chance to see if it is effective or not.

28. You drive people away if they disagree with you too much because you think everyone should think like you do.

29. People like you at first, but after a while they don’t seem very glad to see you.

30. You have been the same year after year without much change if any.

31. You find it hard to admit when you are wrong (which most people do) but even when you admit you are wrong, you still think you are right and you grumble and complain about it either on the inside or to others. You can’t wait until you see that person mess up so you can point it out or you at least “hope” they will mess up, so you’ll have the chance to say “I told you about this before”.

32. You tend to minimize the potential of others, especially if you know their weaknesses.

33. You detest being told what to do. You despise any criticism even if has been done in kindness. You are angry if they are right and you are angry when they are wrong.

34.There is no balance in your life between being a good influence and just telling it how it should be.

35. You fret over “little” mistakes you make or the “little” mistakes others make to the point where it really affects your emotions.

36. You rarely listen to other peoples ideas without interupting the second you hear something that you don’t like.

37. When someone has an idea about changing something that might affect your agenda – you tend to tell them you don’t have time (you are so busy) but it usually is in effort to shut people up because you are too impatient to listen to something that probably isn’t right anyway.

38. People tell you that you are hard to please and that is okay with you.

39. You don’t want to resolve problems quickly you want to fight until you get your way.

40. You are impatient and easily annoyed with nearly everything, but mostly when it involves other people.

*A little word of advice – if you know a control freak, you might expect a fight if you try to tell them they are.

*You may copy and reprint this article only if it includes our website url and all of its original contents including copyright and author. You may not edit, re-arrange, or remove any of the words or wording in any part of this article without written permission by the author.


Blog Copyright © 2007 Kelly Woodcox email the blog author РAll rights reserved.

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